and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
