You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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