i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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