Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
