Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
