Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
