Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
