it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
