We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
