i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
