I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
