I can't breathe out the right side of my face
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
