This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
is it fun? or sober?
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