I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize