Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
