i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
