they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
