nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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