you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
