i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
