Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
