you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
