Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
