In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
