After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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