so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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