so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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