hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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