I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
