I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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