Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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