Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
