so explain again why im purple
no
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
