The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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