There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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