So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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