I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
