i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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