We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
