A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dear god my vagina.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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