I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
