If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
