Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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