dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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