He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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