Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
