he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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