Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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