I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
