her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
