My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
