I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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