the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize