is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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