OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize