take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we're so committed to being not committed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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