I wish I could teleport
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
40s are totally the cure
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
