maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
