ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
