I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
what day is it and did you see me today?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize