every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
