Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
they need to just BURY HIM!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
