my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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