so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
