i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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