my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
