Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize