Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All the doctor said was why
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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