We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
