At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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