running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
