Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
