He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
