Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize