what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
