Your face is a jimmy john
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize