I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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