When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
