okay pat passed out under dana's car
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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