I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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