do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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