why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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