I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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