sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
