I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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