Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
