this beer tastes like vomit already
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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