Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize