Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
