There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
