IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize