Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
