WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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