wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
