she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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