angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
how drunk are you?
Several
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
