Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
