that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize