I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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