winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
