Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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